Please Leave A Message.....

.....after the beep.

Tonight I phoned a friend. My friend doesn't pick up. NO, I was NOT trying to get the machine. I did actually want to talk. This is as opposed to the other times when I am just trying to just get the machine to leave a message, not wanting to talk to the person who hopefully won't pick up and I can leave my message in peace.

Shut UP, yes, I DID actually want to talk on the phone.
whatEVER!

I decide to leave a message and wait until the woman inside the phone stops talking. I was just killing time until I heard the beep. This will come back to bite me in the ass in a second.

I hear the beep and I record my message. No problem, except that I am now supposed to push a button to save the message that I want to leave. I can't recall WHICH button I am supposed to push, so I push the *. DAMMIT if I don't then hear the woman say "your message has been erased". NOOOOOO! This is not what I wanted to do. See, I told you not listening to the woman yammer on at the beginning was going to come back to bite me.

Again, the woman asks me if I want to record a message, which, Yes, I still do. I record another message, this time including how much I dislike the VM system on this phone and when I am done I push the # button. I am thinking I am home free at this point.

PSYCH!

Not so much as this same woman starts asking me a variety of questions and telling me what buttons to push. If you want to save this message, push 1. If you want to record again, push 2. If you would like to order dinner, push 3. If you would like someone to come clean your house, push 4. If you want to do the hokey-pokey, push 5.

Now, I am very busy trying to listen. I will NOT let this woman in the phone take me out yet again in the same phone call.

Then, she just stops talking. ARGH! I don't know which button I need to push to save the message for delivery and I have already screwed that up once, so I am not making a move. I am frozen. I am silent. The woman in the phone is silent. We may very well be having some sort of stand-off. I am not sure. Thankfully she breaks the silence by asking me "Are you still there?". LMAO! I almost dropped the phone. I tell her I am, not that she can hear me, and she starts going through my options once again. I snag the one I want w/o allowing her to finish and am finally able to end the call.

WTF?

Never again, my friend, NEVER again.

Your VM service is NOT blonde friendly.

I don't like that woman at all.

~ And I think I heard her laughing at me, as I ended the call.